Watch before reading:
This isn’t fun for me to share. But it’s reality. I want people to see this. So i took a small video of it. This went on for a half hour yesterday at nap time. And this happens several times throughout the day. This is absolutely not normal for either of my children. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Winnie this upset at any time and now it happens on and off all day long. In the past few days she has taken chunks of skin out of my face from scratching me cause she’s mad. She has actually hurt the baby by hitting her (she has never ever ever intentionally hurt the baby before this last 11 ish days and is always so sweet to her). She has thrown things at visitors and been so mean when she is usually everyone’s bestie. Her face has broken out in acne (she’s 3 guys). If you can’t tell, Winnie is crying and screaming so much that she is hyperventilating. She kept telling me she couldn’t breathe so I held her and sang to her and helped her calm down. But after a few minutes she’d be right back at it. THIS IS WHAT SUICIDE DOES. Denny thought we’d be better off without him and he took his life as an unselfish act in his mind. Me and my babies are grieving. They are struggling so so so much. It’s scary. They are broken like I am. And these little girls are trying to make sense of their entire life changing with one split second choice that Denny made. We need him. I need him. These girls need him. This is so scary. This is why I need to find routine these next few months and get them stable. I’m trying everything I can. And here’s the thing: THIS IS A NORMAL REACTION. Although this is not their normal, this is a very normal way for babies of their age to react when losing a parent, especially a very involved and loving parent. Don’t do this. Don’t do this to your family or your loved ones. You don’t think you are needed or loved and you feel you are a burden. Don’t let those thoughts overpower you. It is not true. I will never be mad at Denny because I think he did something selfish. It’s the opposite in his mind. But I am so so sad that he couldn’t see how much we loved and needed him. I wish he would have reached out and expressed to me that inner turmoil that he was struggling with. But he was ashamed. Let’s change this. Please help me change this.