The last few weeks have been the hardest of my life. But that doesn’t mean I’m just on the floor sobbing 24/7. I think people come over and expect me to be a disaster. Which would be totally acceptable if I was, but I’m usually not. I have had those moments for SURE. Many of them. I’ve had moments of ALL of the feelings. Anger to Peace and everything in between. But the most helpful thing in my healing is laughing and talking about Denny. We do a LOT of laughing. Denny had the best sense of humor and made me laugh even when I didn’t want to. Right after my mom died he vowed to stop making “Your Mom” jokes for a while so every time he would have been making one, I would just start laughing cause I could see his brain trying so hard to stop it from coming out of his mouth. Just a month or two ago, he got really excited that there was a sale on tampons at smiths and came home one day with his arms full of tampon boxes looking so proud of himself. He told me how Winnie was yelling “WHERE ARE THE TAMPONS??!!” Repeatedly in the store when he couldn’t find them. He came in from running errands with a pair of my leggings on a few months ago. I was having a rough day and couldn’t stop laughing. He loved to make people laugh. So it’s okay if we laugh. It’s okay if we joke about how child-sized he was or about his strange obsessions. Its okay to have so much funny at a funeral. Its healing to think about how wonderfully weird he was. And it’s exactly what he would want everyone to do… laugh, tease, be silly, make dumb jokes. Tonight we were listening to music at midnight and dancing since my girls refuse to sleep. We got to “Baby,” by Justin Bieber and Winnie said, “This is Daddy’s favorite song forever and ever!” I wasn’t aware of Denny’s love for JB 😂 But then we danced and were silly and giggled a lot. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be sad, happy, angry, whatever. But don’t judge me. Or anyone else. Because we are doing what we need to do to heal from this trauma. Everyone grieves differently and heals differently. And a lot of mine goes with what he said in his suicide note. “Everyone Else-remember the good.”

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