https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1EmaaAPrS5fVzBJEtUaG4nv00pcsRSQAn

This. I wish everyone knew how good people were. Here’s the thing… I hate being “that person”… the person on “the list.”  I know my ward (church congregation) leadership talks about me. I know my friends talk about me. I know strangers talk about me. They are so heartbroken for me for all of the things I’ve been through. I KNOW I’m one of the people at the top of “the list.” And everyone is trying to figure out how to help me. I hate this. And I feel like I’ve been on the list too many times over the last decade. I’m not even 30. And I’m constantly on the stupid list. It really is so embarrassing. I know it shouldn’t be but it is. It’s mortifying. This is obviously the worst crisis yet. Multiply the previous worst by 1000 and you’re still not there. But I have been on the list for a while. I just want so badly to be the person who helps other people. I want to be in a position where I can be going to someone’s house and cleaning and helping with their kids and bringing meals and giving money etc etc etc… I just want to be that person. And it feels like life just keeps getting in the way of that. I am always the person who has to be helped. And where before I wasn’t willing to accept much help, now I have to. I don’t have a choice. I can’t do this alone.  And I don’t have my person physically here to help me through it this time. But I have seen so much goodness. So so much. People I haven’t talked to in 20 years, people who were way too cool to be my friend in high school, Denny’s old friends who I never met, people who had that one class with me that one semester of college, complete strangers, people who heard about me through a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend, and of course my friends and family and Denny’s loved ones who always show up. I don’t know why I’m so blessed. I don’t deserve any of this charity and support. But my girls do. And I’m so grateful that I get to be there to witness all of this and experience it whether deserving or not. And I really hope one day soon to be the person helping everyone else on the list. Thank you everyone for taking care of us and making the absolute best out of the most horrific and traumatic situation.

2 thoughts on “Good Humans

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. Every word you share is helping those in need. It might not be the way you pictured it but you are the one helping those on “the list”. You are deserving of every bit of support. It is a gift from your savior. God bless you and your family.

  2. The Lord will honor you. Don’t worry about “the list”. The Lord is humbling you and giving you the opportunity to experience these hardships so you can use them to minister and rescue others baby girl. This is only temporary and before you know it your the one able to step in and fill those spots and voids for others. God is preparing you to go to war against this beast and you are sowing the right seeds and the Lord sees you and he WILL honor it. What seems like a season of needing help will catapult you into becoming the helper and having them empathy and words for those who are going through because you have been there and can relate and will come out victorious and look back and see the strength it gave you and the opportunity and platform to reach so many more people. You got this because Gods got this. Keep spreading the word. Lifting you and the girls up in prayer.

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