Today is a bad day. Yesterday and today have been hard. Most days I wake up with a feeling like I can do this, but today was not one of those days. We have had way fewer visitors and were completely on our own last night and this morning. My sister moved in temporarily but has already had to move back out so we are really on our own now. We have lots of outside help, but I’m definitely feeling the real single-parent thing setting in. It’s so hard. And not only am I suddenly learning how to do all of this without my person, but Im also dealing with my girl’s healing and my own healing. Winnie has been hitting non-stop. She hits and she kicks and she throws everything and she doesn’t listen. That’s not her. She is acting out- a lot. Her personality has completely changed to antisocial and angry and sad and quiet and mean. She also clings to me and won’t go to anyone else, even those who she’s most comfortable with. Piper has been even clingier than normal too although a little bit more social. They’re still sick. So I really don’t think I’ve slept more than four hours at one time in over three weeks. They both end up in my bed and if they’re not waking up from coughing fits, they are having night terrors and screaming. My girls are suffering. I’m suffering. I’m just so tired. And I know it’s okay to fall apart but I don’t want to. I just want to be strong and survive. This is when there is that twinge of anger towards Denny. How does he expect me to do this? If you are on the edge, tell someone…ANYONE, run to an emergency room, do whatever you have to do to stop yourself. Don’t let this happen to your loved ones. I know we haven’t even hit rock bottom yet. The hardest part isn’t over. Don’t do this. Get help. Please please please reach out. People love you and need you. I didn’t just love and adore Denny, I NEEDED him. Stop suicide.
Comedic Relief: Courtesy of Winnie